People think that when they are enlightened, they have positive thoughts, smile and send love to the whole world, love plants and animals. But it’s bullshit. Seeing your darkness, everything that you are, looking into every nook gives a sense of freedom. And not hiding and seeing only nice things.
Last days I went really deep into my darkness.
I was scared, I was furious, I was never so mad. For a moment I was able to kill others and myself. For the first time in my life, I felt that I could go crazy and lose control of myself. I felt like I was burning. And… Yes, and it was after wonderful moments of elation, awareness, and wisdom.
The more conscious I become, the worse things I can see about myself. So I saw it.
I was aware that it was emotions and that it would pass, but the madness remained.
I let many things go away from my life. But I left myself a small security box, the last rescue wheel.
And I was happy that if I fucked up, I would have a rescue wheel.
I did wonderful things, I acted with panache, but to a certain limit. How was it going to be doing dangerously, badly, the moment when the air from the rescue wheel started to come down. I was crazy, I started doing stupid things, I started to fight for life like a madman. I saw my worst emotions that were deeply hidden and I was afraid to see them before.
I was afraid that I would lose control of my life. It was the fight of my mind, the ego that got into the worst of it.
Then I gave up. Like losing a war on the battlefield and dying. I totally gave up and recognized my fall, the worst thing I was afraid of. After death, relief came.
I understood that my mind can no longer manage and control my life. It was a life of a human, a mind who wants to survive and not live like a master.
Ego is fighting for life. He struggles and tries to eliminate his opponents. This is not the life of a master.
He is looking for security. He is calm as he is safe, he goes mad as he feels threatened.
The mind of a human does not know his greatest potentials, desires and why he came here. He just wants to survive.
I let my illusions die, the life that human created. I was sad that I chose so little and did not take everything from life. Only I lived to a minimum to feel safe and survive.
I set my limits. I placed myself in my tight crystal.
I entered so deeply into human experience that I forgot who I was.
I knew it would happen.
I chose it consciously as a master before I came here on Earth.
I have now reached a point where I can clearly see that I have hidden from myself.
All human experiences were great. But it’s time to start a new chapter.
Master’s life. Going beyond the human imagination and the ego’s mind and desires.
My master self was always with me and watched my experiences. There has never been a separation.
It was just an illusion that I created myself, and I allowed it.
Now is the time to expand beyond this.
And so it is…