In recent days, nothing exciting happens in my life.
I do not have any activities, problems. I do not have to deal with anyone. I have so much money that I do not have to work. I could do anything I want, and I do not do anything. I go to the forest every day and sleep the rest of the day. I do not even want to do my favorite things. I could travel year round and explore. I could write and paint. I could meet with friends. And I do not do anything. Nothing special.
I’m not depressed, nor am I sad. I’m just bored with human life.
I see myself, and many people fill their time with many obligations, problems, children, family, work only to not be with themselves.
I used to be busy with many things, business, meetings, and my great interests. And now nothing.
Great emptiness, space, not filled. I feel awkward about this.
I know everything about enlightenment, spirituality, I do not want to read any more books, I have no authority, nor feel that someone can teach me anything else I do not know. I wonder at all if I have met a man in life where I would feel less knowledgeable.
On the one hand, I feel my mastery, my knowingness, on the other hand, human nature holds me back from real life.
Now I feel that I am at the moment where I am alone with myself, there is nothing in my life that could separate me from me. I am alone on stage with myself, all other actors have stepped off the stage. There is no longer show. I’m the only one.
This is sacred time only for me. Even the most beloved person cannot help me. This time is for me only.
I know I do not need anyone or anything for my happiness. Only I can give myself happiness, love, and abundance. I’m only on my own, and there are no external forces that could block it. Everything depends only on me. I can not blame anyone or anything in my life. All I have created and all I experience.
Everything I did in all my lifetimes does not matter much. No matter if I was a good man or a bad person. No matter if I helped people or murdered them. It really does not matter. These are just stories. There is no one, nothing to blame. I do not feel guilty or proud, happy or sad.
I am that I am. I accept all that I am. I love myself.
I love myself without judging. I love myself, my human-self unconditionally.
And so it is…
HUBERT